It boggles me how the simplest musings, the most mundane of lists of "things to do," are turned into an interesting post by many. My attempts at the same however usually seem blah and lifeless. So bear with my rambling, please, till I get a little more confident.
I thought I would make a list of the things I'd like to endeavor to change or improve in myself this year. Since I have so few readers I feel like I can be very candid so forgive my candor if you just stumble across me. My TT, no doubt, will read my list with eagerness and assuredly will agree with the shortcomings I plan to endeavor to overcome.
- My anger. Most people don't know of it. I conceal it to the outside world so well and can easily put it off. But to my dear ones...oh what a price they pay when my anger flares. Each days disappointments, frustrations, mistakes, confrontations with stupidity (mine and others,) pile up to form a ball of anger that I conveniently conceal until the dear ones get home. Then the smallest of things could set me off on a tirade. Except for my dear ones, you would all say, "I don't believe it, your exagerating," but no, it's true. TT would be the first to agree since he is my most beloved and often takes the brunt of my uncontrolled mean streak. Sorry babe, I promise, I WILL try. As one wise man said, "A calm heart is the life of the fleshly organism."
- Be more creative. The only thing I feel creative with is food and home decor. Useful, yes, but I want to expand. Writing, dreaming, art (haven't narrowed down yet what avenue,) free expression, and what ever else touches my fancy. You all inspire me but I always feel too busy to act on that inspiration. Which leads to my next change:
- Be less busy - do things that are relaxing, theraputic. I like busy but I want to reorganize my "busi-ness" to include a little less business and some more spirituality, more family. I want to accomplish this partly by better organizing and scheduling my time.
- Finishing what I start. I DO do this but because of bad scheduling, it's not soon enough for my preference. I get so much satisfaction when completing even menial tasks.
- Reflect more on my blessings. Sickness or death of friends and family, personal trials and the situation of the world in general often make this difficult for me, but as I reflect on the much more difficult problems that have been sprung on so many, this year alone, that have broken their families or resulted in a complete loss of home and life as they knew it, it makes it easier to focus, if I put my mind to it, on all the wonderful blessings I have. (Is that a run on sentence, or what?) Anyway, I want to do that more fully.
As I'm thinking these through, I'm being reminded of the many more foibles I'd like to change but it's probably wise to stick to a few at a time. When you percieve I'm in a good mood you're welcome to remind me of others.
I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the many who have been in my life this year, some by their choice, dear reader, and some by mine, as I happen upon you in cyberspace. And Lori, for your continued friendship from afar which has meant so much to me. You are a reminder to me of the good times in our past as well as the times that taught us lessons, made us grow and made us the souls we are today.
Especially are thanks deserved by my ever understanding dear ones who have put up with me over these years who have really inspired me to endeavor to improve but still be me. Yes that means you babe, and our babies and a host of spiritual relations who have increased my family to the hundreds or more.
3 comments:
I relate to your list -- to all the items on it, including the first one! There was a woman on one of our local TV stations being interviewed about resolutions for the New Year, and she suggested making only one ... but the trick was that this one resolution had to do with a major issue in one's life. Like self-esteem, which she used, and explained that if you resolve to do something about your self-esteem, you will be more likely to stick with your diet or workout program and other items on your list that address this issue.
Happy New Year ... and may your list of resolves turn into an inventory of accomplishments by the end of December!
Self-examination, a holdover perhaps from weekly confession? I don't ever remember you as quick to anger. Me, I'm a bitch when crabby, hungry, tired, or all of the above. Busy-ness I remember. Once you polished the bricks in our dorm room. Your family was always busy. Mine seemed to work and sit around. You guys were always doing a project or going somewhere. Your Dad's day offs were family time. Mine were just Dad is mowing the lawn or playing golf time.
I'm glad to be part of your new life as well as the old.
Ahhh! The perfect wife. But, what will we do? We have grown accustomed to your imperfections.
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